Judging from the messages I received from some of my freaked out friends, I’m pretty sure I caused a lot of people to think Ben and I were in grave danger or close to death when I posted this picture and caption on Facebook last night:
If I caused you to have a minor heart attack, I apologize. Yes, we are dying but as far as we can tell, we’re still expecting about another 70-75 years each… death from natural causes usually takes that long. It would not be wise to post all of the details online, but I do want to let you all know what happened and the reason why I asked for support.
This year, I found myself in a situation where I believed that I had been treated unjustly. I spent many hours crying over what had happened, and another many hours ranting about how angry and frustrated I was. I spent a lot of time at my parent’s house the month following (I basically moved back in) as I tried to figure out what to do and how to move on.
I submitted a complaint to the government branch responsible for dealing with situations such as mine. A mediation was scheduled. It was to be over the phone with a government mediator and both parties. As the mediation date drew near, I was required to submit documentation that supported my side and they were to do the same. Both were sent and the mediator exchanged the documents with the other party. I knew that reading their documents would upset me… and they did.
Reading their documentation was incredibly intimidating. With the mediation date fast approaching, I was nervous about the direction it would take. Both my parents and Ben’s parents were very supportive and helpful. My dad gave me a crash course on “Sounding Professional Under Stress 101”, my mom prayed and Ben’s parents offered direction and support. I felt prepared, but completely unprepared at the same time.
There’s a feeling that one sometimes gets when they find themselves in a situation completely beyond their control. When it seems like there is no hope, and dread weighs in the stomach like a boulder, hands shake with fear and nervous anticipation bad enough to puke – that is how I felt last night as I pulled up to the church for youth.
It shouldn’t surprise me that God showed up when I needed him to. Last night at youth we taught the kids about Matthew 5:2-12. A passage that seemed more applicable to me then to them. ha. It was a huge reminder that without Jesus, I am truly lost. I know that I suck, but this passage makes me so thankful for grace and the opportunity to live through His mercy and with His strength. The game I led might have stunk (literally) that night but that was unimportant in light of love and value and power in His name.
When Ben and I got home from youth, we wrote out the verses and stuck them on our wall. We added a few others and Ben wrote encouraging words at the bottom of each page. My favorite is the one where he wrote “Be still and know that I am God” and then added “you aren’t…” A good reminder indeed. We prayed a lot and went to bed early.
The morning dawned and honestly, I was nervous but felt peaceful. I was scared but calm. Ben and I set up a little station with both of our computers – one to view their documentation should it be necessary to look at and one to see mine. We prayed and at exactly 10:01 I had a phone call from a mediator explaining that the other party was on the line and that they were there to facilitate the mediation session. Ben sat silently beside me, occasionally writing on a note pad, and held my hand as I talked and we listened. It lasted about 30 minutes before the mediator explained that they wanted to speak with both of parties separately. Ben pulled out a bar of chocolate and we munched and waited for the phone to ring again.
In the end, a resolution was suggested. Though it was not what I had originally hoped for, Ben suggested to accept the offer and I agreed it was for the better. We had gone in expecting there would be nothing and received something. The opportunity was given to decline the proposal and further pursue the issue but I was content with what happened.
In the end we actually got more then what we had hoped for. We had prayed for peace, a sense of calm and the ability for me to speak without crying or yelling. We hoped for a clear head, patience and a stronger trust in God’s ability to work in a situation. We needed courage and reason to be able to say what I needed to say. We wanted to let this go without bitterness or regret. We got it. All of that was victory enough for us. Jesus taught us a lot through this situation; the experience was a learning one, and in the end, knowledge is of far more value than anything else that could have been given.
The blessing in disguise of allergies is that I appreciate food so much more than I did before. Sure, I always loved bacon, it was always magical but now bacon is held with such reverence and appreciation that even smelling it is a treat.
Unfortunately, pork in any form isn’t so good for my system which makes even organic “regular” bacon not an option… but turkey bacon? Pretty dang close. The brand we buy is labelled as organic, gluten, casein, dairy and nitrate free aaaannnnnd it is expensive. We save it only for truly splurge-worthy occasions and deemed today worth it. So we made BELTGC’S! Bacon, egg, lettuce, tomato and goat cheese sandwiches. Thank-goodness for wonderful food 🙂
Thank goodness for wonderful friends as well! Thank you so much for all of your thoughts and prayers…and for reading all of this. I know that many of you weren’t aware of the situation but offered kind words and support when it was truly needed most. We really appreciated your Facebook messages and texts. Thank you. We feel loved, blessed and humbled by the love from the people who care for us 🙂